If I Had the Courage...

If I Had the Courage...
Ciara


Dear Ciara,

If I had enough courage to tell you how I felt about you...I could go on for hours. Or days. Even months.

When I first found you on the beach unconscious,we had just met. You startled me by telling me you were a human. I didn't believe you at first. I thought...you were odd. But then, when Koffing and Zubat came and kicked me and stole my Relic Fragment, you agreed to help me. We had just met, and you were willing to help me. Some poor sap who was sobbing over losing some piece of junk.

After you helped me recover it, and I went on and on about how I would like to become a famous explorer, and you stood there, listening to me in awe. I didn't even have to ask you to join with me. You asked yourself, and with such enthusiasm. Maybe it was because you wanted to join,or maybe you just needed a place to stay. I really didn't care. I was happy that someone gave me a chance.

After our first successful exploration at Waterfall Cave, I was so excited. I felt so fulfilled. I completed my first exploration. I had spent so much time worrying that I'd never get into an exploration team at all. And here I was, with you, in all of this success. Well....it was just a simple exploration at the time, but for a rookie and a crybaby like me, it was impressive. Later that night, I gave you that purple ribbon I found in the cave as a gift of gratitude from me. You accepted it happily.

You also defended me whenever I was too much of a coward to defend myself. Like when Chatot refused to give us dinner after Skuntank and his gang framed us for not finding any perfect apples for the Guildmaster. You got right up and started to tell him the whole story, as I sat there and watched helplessly. When he didn't believe you, you kept going at it until he finally just sent us to our chambers. Even though you hadn't succeeded, at least you tried for me.

Then when we went on our expedition and we fought against the Groudon illusion, I remembered back to your courage at Waterfall Cave, and how you gave me the strength to jump through even though I doubted you. I gave myself the courage, and we defeated the illusion together. From that moment on, I would be braver after each and every exploration we went on.

When we were pushed into the future by Dusknoir, and all seemed lost, and I had no idea what we were going to do to get out, or how we were going to escape him and his Sableye, you had faith. When I believed all hope was lost, you gave me the strength to go on. Because even though I felt alone, I wasn't. I was with you. And at the time, you were my best friend. One of the only Pokemon I could count on.

Later, when we discovered your true identity, Grovye's partner, we knew our mission. We had to save the world from perpetual darkness. We were the only three Pokemon who could enter. Even though it seemed so unreal to have gotten this far, I knew I made it because of you.

After Grovyle had sacrificed himself to save us, we headed up to Temporal Tower via the Rainbow Stoneship. I don't know how you felt at that moment, but my heart was racing faster than I ever imagined it could. Knowing we were the key to saving the world. We were this close. We were the only hope. The two of us. Me and you.

When we made it to the top, I remember looking into the face of Primal Dialga. He had been consumed by darkness. He glared at us menacingly with his evil red eyes. This was our final battle. And we both fought to the end. Side-by-side, using up all the possible strength we had.

After defeating him, I remember my happiness. Seeing the world as it was. How beautiful. And the sight of Temporal Tower, fully standing. I thought that the two of us would go back home, celebrating with all of our friends. I thought the trip back would be the most amazing thing I've ever experienced. But I was wrong. So....so wrong....

I remember you slowing down. I thought it was because of the damage you took, but when I looked back, I saw the glowing light enveloping you. You said you were sorry. That you would have told me earlier. But that you didn't want to hurt me. I was confused. But then, you told me that you had to disappear.

I felt like it was a dream. A horrible dream. A few seconds earlier I felt like I was living an amazing dream after saving the world, but no. It was turning into a nightmare. A surreal nightmare.

After explaining all of it to me, you cradled me in your arms as you slowly had the life drained out of you. My heart shattered. I never felt so crushed in my entire life. I'd gone through so much with you, explorations, expeditions, the guild, etc. I'd even been to that hellish future and back with you. I'd shared all of my feelings with you. You accepted me. ME. A coward. A fool. You had been knocked unconscious in a parallel universe, but you had agreed to stay with me.

And as you cradled me there, you suddenly lifted my head. And you got closer and closer. Until finally, our lips touched. You had kissed me. It had happened so fast, I couldn't even think about it. About a moment later, you disappeared, leaving me to fall over and sob my heart out. You were gone. You think people exaggerate when they talk about someone they lost, but I'm no liar. It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I was left alone. Without you.

Three months later I still weeped everynight at the guild, looking over at your straw bed. I placed your purple ribbon there in your memory. Everyday the guild would try to comfort me, the whole town even, but even with that, I couldn't take it. It was the first time in my life that I started to have suicidal thoughts.

And then...there was that day. On the beach. When you returned. I had gone there to recall my memories of you. Thinking of all the times we shared, all the courage you gave me, all the moments we shared. I wept again, falling to my knees, not being able to breathe.

Then, I saw the light from before. From Temporal Tower. It pulsated as it floated towards the ground. I watched as I saw in disbelief, you were there. On the same spot as when I first met you. We locked eyes, immediately starting to cry. I was about to run to you, but you ran first, tackling me to the ground, sobbing all over me. You apologized over and over for how you left. With all the voice I had, I told you it was ok. That it was going to be all right, like you used to tell me. You just sobbed harder, and as did I. I hugged you harder and harder, trying not to suffocate you. To make sure you were actually there. And it wasn't just a dream.

Now we're back to being a team like we used to be. You may think I did, but I still haven't forgotten that kiss. It stayed with me the whole time you were gone. And even now, I still wonder if you will ever bring it up again. I wonder if I would have the courage to bring it up myself.

Because...if there is one thing that I want to tell you....well...

If I had the courage to say it aloud....I would say this....


"Pikachu, what are you doing?"

I panicked when I heard Ciara's voice from the doorway. I spazzily scrambled to hide my notebook in our exploration bag. I turned to her, blushing hard. "N-nothing at all....! I was just...looking over our map, is all."

She gave me a weird look. "Oh, ok... Well, I was going to ask if you wanted to go to this party that the Guild is hosting tonight," She asked.

I lit up quickly. "Yeah, that sounds great!"

"Cool," She smiled. "Chatot and Wigglytuff actually want us to help set up. If that's ok with you...?"

Isighed. "Well there are things I'd rather be doing, but if the Guildmaster said to..."

"Trust me, you don't want to risk him destroying the entire town," She giggled.

I laughed. "Ok, let me just put some stuff away. I'll meet you there in a second."

"Alright, see you." She sort of smirked slightly before she left. I thought I saw her glance at the notebook I had tried to hide in our bag.

As soon as she left, I opened up the page I had left off on. Without even having to think twice about it, I scribbled down the last words of my fake letter. Even though I would never give it to her in a million years, everything I wrote there was the truth.

I put it back in our bag and headed out. The last words rang in my head over and over. Did I really mean them? Of course I did. It's the most truthful thing I have ever said about her. If only I could actually say it to her.

Those words on the paper.


"f I had the courage...I would say this...


I love you, Ciara.